Welcome to No Fear Friday, where I good-natured-ly make fun of bad artwork from the Middle Ages, to hopefully inspire those interested in the scribal arts to give it a try. This week:
So, we haven't had a No Fear Friday post for a couple of weeks, primarily because I was in sunny Spain on vacation. And because I am a giant nerd, I spent a large portion of our time in Madrid at various museums, including the Museo Nacional del Prado. Unfortunately, the Prado will not let you take pictures. Luckily, they have an amazing website with a massive zoom feature where I was able to find images of everything I wanted to post about. I encourage you to check out their website, there is a lot of good stuff there:
https://www.museodelprado.es/en/the-collection
Ok... so what horrors and fancies did I find whilst browsing one of the venerated homes of fine art?
SO MANY THINGS
So many that this is part one of a two post series.
Nope, not foxes. Or Dogs. Or even housecats. They are cats though. You guessed it... More Lions!
These are frescos from a medieval church that have been preserved and are now in the Prado's Medieval wing. As are these two guys:
There is our friend, the funnel trunked, carries a full castle on his back elephant! And this second one is a bear! Not a lot of detail there to be able to tell. It kinda looks like a very long-legged bear, maybe, but I had to find the card for confirmation.
Following the theme of 'fun animals from medieval churches' we have this guy from another medieval church. If you ever get to the Prado I suggest you check this room out, they basically preserved all the frescos from the nave of the Church of Vera Cruz and recreated the room, so you can walk into it and be surrounded by frescos. It's really cool. This...unicorn? Horse? Immediately caught my attention because of his amazing noodle-like front legs. (I'm going to go with unicorn because of the cloven hoof feet.... either that or it's a goat maybe? But if it's a horse the feet are another problem.)
In the same room, you have this fresco of the original sin... and while the overall shapes of the bodies are more or less ok, I'm kinda fascinated by how they chose to paint the musculature features. Rib cages definitely aren't as noticeable as all that, but it's a neat artistic device to try to get the point across. And let's not even talk about eve's chest, shall we?
Poor mother Mary comes in for a fair bit of abuse in medieval art. I think mostly because she was THE most popular female subject for medieval artisans, so there was a lot of opportunity for stuff to go sideways. Amazingly enough, baby Jesus is actually kinda cute and baby-like here. That's a rarity for art of medieval babies, good job Fra Angelico! But what caught me was Mary's head and neck. Most of the back of her cranium is missing (either that or her face is too large for her head), and there is almost no definition where her head meets her neck.
Ugly Renaissance babies! This is a classic example of the 'babies are actually cranky old men' phenomenon in medieval art. And I'm guessing Mary's feeling it too because that is a massive sneer on her face. It's like she's embarrassed to be seen with him.
Mary Magdalene, being the second most popular female subject in medieval art, comes in for her fair share of abuse too. I get the caterpillar-like pose, because she's laying on the floor washing Jesus's feet in a large cloak. But... what is with the expression on her face? Is she high? Do Jesus's feet smell that good? I have questions.
Oh, you poor, poor woman. Mary Magdalene is so often portrayed as young and beautiful, I really don't know if it was a deliberate artistic choice to make her look 80 years old. Everyone else in the picture is painted in the same sort of style, so I guess it's an artistic device to show grief? But in Mary Magdalene's case it's really next level. Everyone else in the painting looks a little rough, but poor Mary Magdalene looks positively geriatric.
Bonus! There's an awesome derpy looking horse in the background! Complete with tongue blep!
You can always count on the creative minds of medieval artists to come up with some awesome crazy stuff. I had the pleasure of seeing an entire room of Bosch, including The Garden of Earthly Delights, and just... wow....
I'm not putting any Bosch here, because his weirdness is well-known. (and if you don't know what I'm talking about, go look him up!). But instead here's my favorite surrealist monsters from the Prado:
This is just the bottom half of the painting, obvs, so you can get a good look at these ridiculous guys. The main dragon under Michael's feet alone is worth the price of admission... but my favorite is the pink guy in the very bottom right with the blue gills. Also, this painting is about 5 feet tall, so that little pink guy? He's the size of my forearm.
So there you go... No Fear Friday goes to the Prado, round 1. Next week I bring you... Lactation at the Prado! No...you read that right... it's actually a thing.
No Fear Friday Goes to the Prado!
So, we haven't had a No Fear Friday post for a couple of weeks, primarily because I was in sunny Spain on vacation. And because I am a giant nerd, I spent a large portion of our time in Madrid at various museums, including the Museo Nacional del Prado. Unfortunately, the Prado will not let you take pictures. Luckily, they have an amazing website with a massive zoom feature where I was able to find images of everything I wanted to post about. I encourage you to check out their website, there is a lot of good stuff there:
https://www.museodelprado.es/en/the-collection
Ok... so what horrors and fancies did I find whilst browsing one of the venerated homes of fine art?
SO MANY THINGS
So many that this is part one of a two post series.
Lions and Elephants and Bears, oh my!
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| Detail of "Landscape with Saint Jerome" by Joachin Patinir, 1516 - 1517 |
This is the painting that started it all. I was a happy tourist, taking in the sights, admiring some art. and then I see this painting and go "That can't possibly be a lion."
Yes... yes it can. It says so right on the card hanging on the wall next to the painting.
And then of course I had to keep my eyes open for more!
 |
| Hermitage of San Baudelio, Casillas de Berlanga (Soria) Ca. 1125 |
Nope, not foxes. Or Dogs. Or even housecats. They are cats though. You guessed it... More Lions!
These are frescos from a medieval church that have been preserved and are now in the Prado's Medieval wing. As are these two guys:
 |
| Hermitage of San Baudelio, Casillas de Berlanga (Soria) Ca. 1125 |
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| Hermitage of San Baudelio, Casillas de Berlanga (Soria) Ca. 1125 |
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| Hermitage of Vera Cruz, Maderuelo (Segovia) XII century |
Following the theme of 'fun animals from medieval churches' we have this guy from another medieval church. If you ever get to the Prado I suggest you check this room out, they basically preserved all the frescos from the nave of the Church of Vera Cruz and recreated the room, so you can walk into it and be surrounded by frescos. It's really cool. This...unicorn? Horse? Immediately caught my attention because of his amazing noodle-like front legs. (I'm going to go with unicorn because of the cloven hoof feet.... either that or it's a goat maybe? But if it's a horse the feet are another problem.)
People!
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| Hermitage of Vera Cruz, Maderuelo (Segovia) XII century |
In the same room, you have this fresco of the original sin... and while the overall shapes of the bodies are more or less ok, I'm kinda fascinated by how they chose to paint the musculature features. Rib cages definitely aren't as noticeable as all that, but it's a neat artistic device to try to get the point across. And let's not even talk about eve's chest, shall we?
 |
| Fra Angelico, The Virgin with the Pomegranate, Ca. 1426 |
Poor mother Mary comes in for a fair bit of abuse in medieval art. I think mostly because she was THE most popular female subject for medieval artisans, so there was a lot of opportunity for stuff to go sideways. Amazingly enough, baby Jesus is actually kinda cute and baby-like here. That's a rarity for art of medieval babies, good job Fra Angelico! But what caught me was Mary's head and neck. Most of the back of her cranium is missing (either that or her face is too large for her head), and there is almost no definition where her head meets her neck.
 |
| The Presentation of Jesus in the Temple, Ca. 1500, Master of the Sisla |
Ugly Renaissance babies! This is a classic example of the 'babies are actually cranky old men' phenomenon in medieval art. And I'm guessing Mary's feeling it too because that is a massive sneer on her face. It's like she's embarrassed to be seen with him.
 |
| Episodes from the Lives of Mary Magdalen and Saint John the Baptist, Jaume Serra, 1334-1379 |
Mary Magdalene, being the second most popular female subject in medieval art, comes in for her fair share of abuse too. I get the caterpillar-like pose, because she's laying on the floor washing Jesus's feet in a large cloak. But... what is with the expression on her face? Is she high? Do Jesus's feet smell that good? I have questions.
 |
| The Crucifixion, ca. 1480, Martín Bernat |
Oh, you poor, poor woman. Mary Magdalene is so often portrayed as young and beautiful, I really don't know if it was a deliberate artistic choice to make her look 80 years old. Everyone else in the picture is painted in the same sort of style, so I guess it's an artistic device to show grief? But in Mary Magdalene's case it's really next level. Everyone else in the painting looks a little rough, but poor Mary Magdalene looks positively geriatric.
Bonus! There's an awesome derpy looking horse in the background! Complete with tongue blep!
 |
| The Crucifixion, ca. 1480, Martín Bernat |
And Finally...
I'm not putting any Bosch here, because his weirdness is well-known. (and if you don't know what I'm talking about, go look him up!). But instead here's my favorite surrealist monsters from the Prado:
 |
| Saint Michael Archangel, 1495-1500, Maestro de Zafra |
This is just the bottom half of the painting, obvs, so you can get a good look at these ridiculous guys. The main dragon under Michael's feet alone is worth the price of admission... but my favorite is the pink guy in the very bottom right with the blue gills. Also, this painting is about 5 feet tall, so that little pink guy? He's the size of my forearm.
So there you go... No Fear Friday goes to the Prado, round 1. Next week I bring you... Lactation at the Prado! No...you read that right... it's actually a thing.
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